I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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