Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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