Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I DEMAND FORESKIN
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize