It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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