and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize