THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
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I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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