I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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