I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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