GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
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had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
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Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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