lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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