i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
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Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
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Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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