Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
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At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
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Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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