His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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