If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Congratulations! We have a period
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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