I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize