i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm having to shit out rocks
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
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