this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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