I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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