Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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