Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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