Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
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