After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
how do flat chested girls get laid?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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