PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize