Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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