My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
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He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
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He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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