He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
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He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
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It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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