Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize