Buhtt sex?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
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Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
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Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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