Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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