Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
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Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
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I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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