the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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