I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
the condom got lost in my hair
it's like heaven, but drunker
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One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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