You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
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the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
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So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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