Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
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Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
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omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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