When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
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There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
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He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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