drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
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I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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