he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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