Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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