No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
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now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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