She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
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Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
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The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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