how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize