Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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