Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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