The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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