I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I think I died a long time ago.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
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this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
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they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
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