i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
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Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
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The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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