so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
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He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
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I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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