ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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