it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
its not stalking. its research.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
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I could have mohawked her pubes.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
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