I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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